There has been a lot of discussion lately due to a rather lackluster summer season at the box office. Lots of theories thrown around about why exactly that is happening. Bad Movies; High Ticket Prices; Rude People at Theater; Advertising before and during the movie; Movie Piracy; Competition with HD TV’s and Surround Sound Systems. Personally, I think it is probably a bit of each of those (expect Movie Piracy. If you have ever seen how BAD those pirate copies are you would understand). But rather than discussing in general why people aren’t going to the movies like they used to, I’m going to tell you why I don’t go to the movies that often anymore.

I’m going to sum up my reasons in a simple phrase: The PITA principal. In short, going to the movies is a Pain In The Ass.

First, you have to get to the theater, park, get tickets (hopefully they are available for the movie you wanted to see), get in, and then try and get seats together. All before the movie starts. A Pang in the Posterior!

So the lights are down and the curtain has opened. But the pain has not yet subsided. You have already shelled out around $7 (national average) for your tickets, but you still have to sit down to see some ads before the show starts. And I’m not even talking about the previews. I’m talking about the full fledged Coke ad that you are forced to watch so the theater can cover its expenses (or the owner can pad his pocket). The previews don’t bother me except when you are there to see a blockbuster movie like Harry Potter or Star Wars and it seems like the previews will never end! A Hurt in the Hindquarters!

And don’t get me started on the 5 year old running around at the 11:30 showing of R rated “Wedding Crashers”? Or the person answer the cell phone in the middle of the love scene? Or the kid behind you kicking your seat? Or crying? People today don’t think about anyone but themselves anymore, so we have to put up with this kind of Fever in the Fanny.

Now lets talk about the movie itself. You have endured the arrival. You have parted with your money. You have survived the other people. And the movie SUCKS! You get through this entire ordeal to waste your $7 a person on a complete stinker of a movie. A Strain in the Seat!

Add all these problems up and you can see that it is not that surprising that people are staying home. As the tech gets cheaper and cheaper, more and more people will have HDTV’s and kick-ass surround sound systems in their home. Rent a DVD ($5, probably less) and you can (in the comfort of your own home) enjoy a movie with out having to apply a salve to your buttocks afterward. And with theater sizes shrinking as they try and fit more theaters into the multiplex, it is quite possible that your 101″ screen at home is bigger and better than the screen you see when out.

So what can the industry do to save the movie theater? I don’t think there is a whole lot that can be done. Some of my complaints can easily be addressed by theaters that care, but there isn’t anything that can be done with some of my other complains (like getting there on time). I think movie theaters as we know them today are on the way out. I think some will survive by adapting to the change and attracting a more sophisticated crowd. By doing things like making it 21 and over (ie. serve drinks and gourmet food like the Alamo Drafthouse Theater in Austin, TX) so we don’t have to worry about kids running around. Cut out the extra ads at the beginning and pass the cost onto my ticket price if you have to. If you have a nice place, people who can afford to will pay the premium to have a more enjoyable experience. And probably the best thing movie theaters can do is to enforce common decency. Have your ushers actually DO something and “Shush” talkers. Warn people who’s phones ring. Throw them out if they answer it or it rings again. I really think the next opportunity in the movie theater business is this whole idea of a Premium Movie theater (like the Arclight in LA). Make it fun to go out and see a movie again, and (surprise!) more people will come out and see movies.